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"Saturday Night at Tony's Pizza Palace"

Turin Prosciutto

The artist Prosciutto, shown here in his Hare Krishna robes at the far left, wanted to be an action painter, recording medieval battles in all their glory for wealthy victors. His father, shown here immediately behind his son, staring in disapproval, insisted that there was more money to be made in the family pizza business. So young Turin compromised by provoking battles between rival bathhouse attendants in the family restaurant and recording them in detail.

The trend soon caught on, and their "gladiator-style" pizzerias sprang up all over Italy. His father was delighted at his newfound wealth, but Turin was miserable, having been reduced to a combination fight promoter and pizza cook. Finally his father relented and allowed him to record one battle in the French/Swiss assault on the city of Pavia, which had won the rights to host the war that year.

The delighted Turin set up his canvas in a broad field between the walled city and the enemy troops, unaware that the day's combat was scheduled to begin with a cavalry charge.

They sent his body home wrapped in the canvas of the painting, which his father displayed in one of his pizzerias as "The Shroud of Turin," until he ran into trademark infringement problems with the Vatican.


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