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"Revenge of the Piper of Hamelin"
Alphonse Grimm

Alphonse was the black sheep of the Grimm family, choosing painting instead of fairy tales to make his mark upon the world. As the official black sheep he delighted in mocking his brothers' work using the full power of the Depressionist philosophy to augment his natural perversity. His first work was a send-up of Little Red Riding Hood, showing the girl and the wolf in bed, exhausted after an all-night sex romp. For Hansel and Gretel he focused on the agony of the witch in her oven, watched through a grating by the gleefully sadistic twins. The Three Little Pigs had the misfortune to build their dwellings next to a meat-packing plant, with obvious consequences― he titled it "The Three Little Sausages," to further annoy his literary brethren.


When it came to the Pied Piper of Hamelin he was stumped for a while. How do you exaggerate and mock the disappearance of an entire town full of children? But his malevolent creativity shone through with the subject painting, which not only outraged his brothers, but set most of conservative Germany on its collective ear.


Rather than depriving Hamelin of its children, he showed the enchanter and his magic flute luring every fetus within range― the greatest mass abortion in history! The Lutheran Synod was speechless with horror when the painting was unveiled. The strict Calvinists blew a fuse, and the proto-Nazi Extremely Far Right party demanded the painter's hide, to be nailed up on the doors of the Cathedral at Wittenberg minus his masculine bits.Seeing the handwriting on the wall, Alphonse grew a long, concealing beard, moved to another town and spent the remainder of his life doing landscapes, still lifes and charcoal portraits for the tourist trade.


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