"The Muslim Prophet of Cannabis Returns from India
to Spread the News of his Discovery to his Followers"
Artist Unknown

During a trade mission to India Khizr was struck by the utter lassitude of the people there, and he hastened to discover the cause. His own menfolk avoided alcohol and drank cups of weaponized espresso little better than pure caffeine so they were constantly on edge, snapping at their families, impossible to work with and getting into fights at the drop of a hat.

With a bit of research he discovered the reason for Indians' laid-back-to-the-point-of-falling-over lifestyle: after inhaling the fumes of a handful of burning common weed, Cannabis sativa, the average Indian male was useless for periods of four hours or longer. So zonked were the street people that Khizr watched in amazement as a man whose legs had been run over by a freight wagon thought it was the funniest thing that had ever happened to him, laughing gleefully and calling to his fellow stoners to share in the hilarity.

An oil lamp seemed to go on over the head of he who was to become the patron saint of THC. Here was the answer to his people's edginess!


To be absolutely certain of his find he inhaled the fumes of a handful of smoldering weed, and a week later when he remembered to eat again, he was convinced. The only downside was a splitting headache, for which he procured an ice bag in a becoming shade of green.¹ That, and his favorite green raincoat— exactly the shade of cannabis buds— became his uniform. He also changed his name to Whizz Bhang!, so dedicated was he to his new mission.

He hastened to return to his fellowmen, but alas! he had completely ignored his trade mission, all his goods had been purloined during his epic stupor, and he was dead broke. But at that moment another oil lamp lit up above his head, and he found a way to cross the seas to his homeland. Recruiting a friendly Horse-Eye Jack fish and sharing some of his wonder plant with it², he was soon speeding over the ocean, keeping a handful of bhang burning to re-inspire both him and his steed at frequent intervals.

The reception when he stepped off the fish onto dry land was not at first welcoming, although this tale of being chopped up by the Whang Bhang Gang and later reassembled by the Ganja Good Guys is not taken seriously by historians. Before long, however the people hailed him as the Bringer of Bhang, the Giver of Ganja and the Saint of Sativa. And if nothing has changed, so it is today.

------------------------------------------
 

¹Khizr means green in Arabic.
² The hilarious story of how he got a fish to inhale is still told around campfires among the Bedouin of the Arabian desert when there's nothing good on TV.

BACK     NEXT